He Slipped Away From Me
by Valli
Summary: Someone dies in the WWF, leaving many others to grieve over what happened, one person more so then all of the others put together (Okay, I lied, now it's complete.)
1. Slip, Slip, Slipping Away

He's gone. Not here anymore. He left me, he left my grasp. I can't believe it, it's all so strange to me. I never thought I could lose him. They said he would make it through, they said that he would be able to wrestle in a year or so. They promised me! And they lied, they lied to me, just to make me stop crying. Just to make me shut my mouth, to stop the tears from streaming down my face. Let me tell you, it didn't help. I thought they were telling me the truth. I thought they were saying he was going to live because he was. But, I was so wrong.  
  
They said I would probably die before anyone else, just because of the risks I take. Well, I'm not the only one who takes hard bumps, I'm not the only one who entertains the fans with highflying moves, and I'm not the only one who takes risks. They were wrong when they guessed that I would probably quit, get seriously hurt, or die. Whichever came first, they thought I would be the first to go. They all lied to me.  
  
I was told that we were possibly the best team out there. I believed that then, and I still believe it today. Why shouldn't I? We were doing what we loved, we were living our dream, and we were doing it together. It was the way we wanted it. Nothing could go wrong. Boy, was I ever wrong.  
  
It all happened in a ladder match. We thought we had it won, we were supposed to win. We thought we had everything under control. Until one God damned person had to grab that manmade piece of steel. He had to go and pick up the frigging ladder! Damn it, why? Why? Why? Why? That's one of many questions that is floating through my head, they have been since it all happened, and they probably will forever.  
  
The ladder. Oh God, I can't even describe the horrid thud it made against his bare back. Then, when it smashed against his head, I wanted to rush into the ring and strangle that one man, I personally can't blame it on anyone just yet because I have no idea who it was who used it in the first place, for what he had done. But, he pulled through that, he stood up when hardly a minute went by, and continued in the match. He continued in the match for me! He knew how much I thought we _had_ to win. He knew I wanted to entertain the fans. But, if I knew what the outcome was going to be, I would have stayed home that day.  
  
I'm not wrestling tonight, or tomorrow, or next week, or the week after that. I never want to go near a wrestling ring again. But, I know I will have to sooner or later.  I have to, I positively have to. I have to do it for him. It wouldn't be right if I didn't, I would be letting him down somehow if I didn't. I wouldn't feel right if I didn't. Damn, why does this have to be so hard?  
  
Even I can't answer that question, and I'm the one who is supposed to have the weird ideas in the family about answers. But, I know that this isn't the time for my weird assumptions or antics, or even my bizarre way of handling things. I can't figure out how to answer my own questions, or anyone else's for that matter. I will never be able to get it through my head that he's gone.  
  
Damn it, these frigging tears are soaking my paper. My whole journal will be damp and ruined, then, when the pages finally do dry, they'll be all wrinkled and hard to turn. But, I can replace a stupid journal. I can replace this stupid black piece of junk. I can never, ever replace him.    
  
If I could've realized that things like this were possible few years back, I never would have signed that stupid contract if I knew that this would happen to him. But, I did. Because we weren't thinking back then, it was just a way of life. The life that we wanted was at our hands, all we had to do was find a pen and sign a piece of paper. And we did, we signed the paper and didn't think twice about it. And that was because we were so excited that we finally had the one job we wanted. To be in the World Wrestling Federation, that's what we wanted and that's what we finally got.  
  
I guess it's time to get some sleep, that's what everyone else is doing. But, I can't. I just can't fall asleep without thinking about him. How can I? God, I miss him! I miss him like crazy. How will I ever be able to speak at the funeral? How? What about dad? Poor dad, how will he handle it? I don't even know how I'm going to be able to handle all of this.  No one understands.  
  
I just caught sight of my black painted fingernails, which, for some odd reason causes a whole new stream of tears to drips down my cheeks.  I don't know why, but everything reminds me of him.  From a picture of him to his duffle bag, from my journal to my fingernails, everything reminds me of him.  
  
It's time to just close this now.  If I keep this up, I'll be up all night and all day tomorrow. The last words tonight are 'Matt Hardy, my strength.' I can't believe he's gone. I tried to grip him to me, but I failed.  
  
Now, I, Jeff Hardy, will do everything I possibly can to show my big brother that I know how proud he is of everyone, just like I was proud of him until his last moment with us here on Earth. Now he's up in Heaven somewhere, probably teaching the angels how to really high fly, that would be Matt. I'm still proud of him, I'm still proud.


	2. I Wish, I Hope, I Miss You

I guess they lied when the doctors said those things to me, I guess they didn't want me to be afraid. I wouldn't have been afraid, but I guess they didn't realize whom they were speaking with. I'm not the kind of person who cares what people say; I should have known that they wouldn't have told me that day.  
  
I missed my chance to fight some more; I missed my chance to go for the door. I missed my chance to hug my family, friends and fellow employees. I missed my chance to tell my brother how much I love him once more. I missed it all because of them, those doctors who knew I needed my friends.  
  
I was told that it would be all right, that, at the end of the night, everything would be back together again. They told me that my brother was okay, that he was taking it so well. They said that I shouldn't be worried about a thing; I guess I should have asked them again.  
  
I guess I should have asked to see my friends one last time. I guess I should have asked to speak with my father on the phone. I guess I should have asked to see that sparkle in my brother's bright eyes. But, that wouldn't have helped; I guess I should have demanded it from them.  The least I could have done was beg, or plead, I should have at least done something.  
  
But, I didn't. Damn, if I could go back in time I would have made sure to duck that once. I would have made sure that the fans would have cheered when I gripped the ladder myself, and shoved it back at him. I should have taken my chance to make it all turn out all right. I should have taken the chance to win the fight. But, I guess the story goes as told. I didn't get the chance to win the gold, I lost it at my fingertips.  
  
The fans went wild as I climbed the turnbuckle for the last time in the match. To hit my famous move, then roll away to lose the match, to lose everything I ever had. And let it all be saved in their minds, because I will never be there again.  
  
I will never have the chance to see the signs once more. I will never have the chance to hold the titles with my brother. I will never have the chance to talk to my friends and family. I will never have the chance to make the fans go wild. I will never have so many chances to do so many things, I guess it was my calling to end, let's just leave it at that.  
  
I wish my father could have been there, so I could look into his eyes, and tell him I was sorry for ruining my superstar rise. I know he would have told me, that I did all I was meant to do, and that my brother would watch after our names, so that we could live forever. I wish I could have mumbled something to my brother, who held my hand the whole while, before I went up to where I had to go, and told him how much he meant to me. I wish Jay, Adam, Amy, and everyone could have crammed inside of the room, so I could see them all once more, before I went up through space. I have so many wishes, that I can never see come true, I have so many wishes and I can't figure out what to do.  
  
My heart just aches with pain, knowing I can't hear their voices, except when I look down. At least I still have memories from every second in a day. I remember every event that I, or my brother, was ever in. I remember the first one like it was yesterday, down to every last detail.  
  
I guess I just have to laugh at some of the memories, though. Like when Jeff first figured out how to dye his hair. Oh God that was the damn day that I will never forget. And, then, he decided to surprise me. He dyed my hair while I was sleeping! I got him back bad, though. I didn't talk to him for a week, or at least I tried not to talk to him for a week. I only lasted about half an hour before Jeff made me laugh with one of his weird faces that he makes, it was too funny not to hug him. I miss him so damn much!  
  
Well, I don't know why, but I guess that it was my time. I wish it wasn't, I wish it was somebody else's time. I just wish that I could go back home. Why can't this be a dream? It's not a dream, and I guess I have to get that through my head. That I can never go home, that I can never hug my dad or Jeff, that I can never talk with anyone backstage, that I can never see the fans again.  
  
But, I can watch over them. Kind of like a guardian angel, for every last one of them. And, tonight will be my first try at it. I'll have my chance at the watching pool, or so some call it up here, tonight and on Mondays. Tonight, I remember, Jeff will be in a match, it was supposed to be a tag team action night. But, it just wasn't meant to be.  
  
I'll watch over him though, he can always count on me, just like I could always count on him. I'll never let him down, I better get watching though. As I look through the pool, I can't even believe my eyes. Almost every single sign being held up as I watch Jeff and Amy bounce down the ramp, not as happy as usual, in our home state of North Carolina. Almost every sign reads something about Jeff and I, about Team Xtreme, about how they are so sorry, I can't believe it.  
  
"Thank you" I mumble, hoping they can hear me. I know they can't, it's just something in return to them, and it makes me feel better to hear it for them. I think they know, or I hope they know, how much I love them all. Jeff seems very upset, I can't blame him. I know how he feels, kind of, I can never be there again. It's been a few weeks, but it doesn't feel right to be up here and not down there. "Give your all buddy, I'm proud of you either way." That was for Jeff, he knows I'm proud of him, he knows that. "And remember, your big bro loves you."  
  
No time to finish watching, I can't hold back the tears. I hate it when I cry, I hate it when I sob out loud, and I hate that I can't be there. I hate that I can't be there, just one more time.


End file.
